Five Family Travel Tricks Only Grandma Knows
My parents left last night, and I can only assume they’ve arrived home safely and crashed straight into bed to sleep for a week and/or had their internet and phone connections cut off by a storm again. Or decided never to speak to us any more. I mean I’m sure everything’s fine*.
During their visit we took them to see the bits of Singapore that didn’t exist last time they checked, and also Pulau Sibu, in Malaysia, where we went with the kids a bit over a year ago. Because of all this I’ve spent much less time blogging over the last few weeks, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten it. No no! Instead, I’ve been discreetly stockpiling these five family travel tricks only Grandma knows (or knew, or can get away with).
What To Do When A Child Won’t Keep Up
Find a leafy branch. Hand the branch to the reluctant child. Tell the child that they have a very important responsibility, which is to keep insects off Grandma’s back. (Make sure you choose a soft branch.)
What To Do When A Child Won’t Keep Their Hands To Themselves
Draw faces on the child’s fingers. Give all the Finger People names and immortalise them in song. Admonish the child to take good care of their Finger People so that it may go well with them and they may enjoy long life upon the earth.
What To Do When A Child Needs To Climb Something Using One Or Two Of Their Hands But They Won’t Because Their Fingers Are People
Try to stop them from killing themselves. Assure them that the Finger People don’t want them to die and would rather they just held on safely. Admit you’ve brought a biro and can easily draw on more Finger People. Ask the child if they’ve ever heard of Knee People?
What To Do When You’re Too Tired (Lazy) To Cook Dinner On Holidays
Make nachos! Field questions from your six-year-old about whether “anyone in the world” has “ever eaten chips for dinner before”. Wrack your brain trying to remember a single occasion on which your mother ever suggested nachos for dinner when you were a child, and conclude that this is something she grew into as a grandparent. Worry about how you’ll handle all the nagging pleas for nacho dinners from now on.
What To Do When Your Child Is Being Horrible And Strangers Are Frowning At You
Remind yourself that your child is no worse than any other person at the same age. Or better yet, have Grandma remind you, through endless tales of your own juvenile escapades, narrated with unnecessary glee. Fix Grandma with a withering glare until she admits that you turned out alright in the end. Try to ignore her when (under her breath) she adds, “Or at least I hope you will… eventually…”
*Update: everything is, in fact, fine.
I have done all of it, except the ‘stick to keep insect off grandma’s back’. That is pure genius 😀
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Oh yes, nachos for dinner! What a life saving idea when the time is scarce (and brain empty). Tomorrow.
PS No dimension of your inventive imagination will surprise me now that you have revealed what extraordinary genes you’ve got: a branch to keep flies off the back and finger people, just brilliant! Your parents would be very appreciated guests in Finland too 😉
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Don’t say that too loudly. You might have them take you up on it!
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With those tricks, I don’t mind but welcome them 🙂
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Ha — these are brilliant. Especially nachos for dinner. Which I apparently will not be able to get away with for about 20 more years. But still, tucking it in my back pocket.
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Other commenters claim you can get away with it earlier if you know how. I’ll leave you to decide which side of that line you’re on. 🙂
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Fabulist advice and entertaining. Welcome back! 🙂
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Thanks 🙂 And thanks for sharing!
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🙂
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My grandparents used to take us on hikes on ski runs in the summer. They kept us going by saying, “hey let’s look for stuff that fell out of people’s pockets on the ski lift last winter?!” Then one of them would walk ahead and strategically place coins along the way. Note: this would only really work if you’re the only (admittedly odd) family around hiking under the ski lifts.
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Stealing it.
I bet in the absence of ski lifts you could think of any number of other excuses for missing coins. And when you ran out of coins you could try bread! And then if you got lost because birds ate the bread and you came upon a house made of gingerbread…
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Like this: “Oh look! Someone on this path must have had a hole in their pocket! I wonder what else fell out?”
Maybe I can even use this ploy to encourage children to get out the door to school: “Silly daddy is always dropping coins on the stairs on his way out! Get you’re shoes and jacket on so we can look.” Or that might just lead to lots of fighting over the coins…
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Maybe use intermittent reinforcement? So some days: nothing. Other days: so much whateveryou’vechosen the sheer abundance overwhelms the urge to fight. Keep ’em guessing what kind of day it’ll be today…
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You are so incredibly funny! And a horrible influence too. I had chips for dinner last night. Loads and loads.
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Ooh, after the post? Sorry about that… (You’ll never guess what I had tonight. I’m a bad influence even on myself.)
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The finger people is a cute idea. I love Granddad’s Tarzan performance. Super cute!
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Unfortunately he drew the line at swinging over the cliff. 🙂
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Hahahah! This is so unfair, my (great) grandma was so strict! Writing on your skin means a few minutes of walloping on the but! LOL
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Oh no! See, we’ll have to hear your Grandma travel tricks for contrast. No nachos, I suspect.
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Definitely no nachos. And you have to act like a lady too and wear a skirt all the time or else you will grow a penis. Seriously, who says that to a little girl? Only my grandma. LOL
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She told you you’d grow a penis? Wow! Now that you know you won’t, I guess we can call her “a real character”. 🙂
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She really was LOL
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There’s definitely a story there. A blog post at least.
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We’ll see. 😉
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Aren’t Grandmas (and Grandads) great, I always think they should stay more often….. certainly less stropping in our house when they’re here. The nacho thing I totally get too – some sort of transformation happens when they turn into grandparents!!
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What is it with that? It’s like Aunts who think their job is to buy the noisiest, most irritating toys. (NOT THAT I’M LOOKING AT ANY OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY WITH THAT COMMENT.)
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Aagggh – we have one of “those” aunts too!! I am just biding my time!!
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The trick is to be the Aunt with the oldest kids or the one without kids. Then nobody can get you back 🙂
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Last one: what goes around comes around. Karma. 🙂 –Curt
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Do you think karma would mind only giving back my good stuff and kind of ignoring all the bad stuff?
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I am surprised by how many people in your comment chain got nachos for dinner growing up. To be fair, I don’t think my asian parents even know what nacho’s are.
Glad to hear the cross generational holiday with kids worked out.
Reading this post just makes me smile. What wonderful grandparents and I love this secluded shady cove, just gorgeous. xo
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Definitely a cultural/regional thing. Was their an Asian equivalent, though? I’m trying to remember if we got an equivalent but all I can think of is the “pizzas” (toasted ham, pineapple, cheese and tomato paste on bread) that OUR grandma used to serve us. (So maybe a cultural/regional/relationship to child thing.)
The beach was great, and we had good weather most of the time, too.
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Oh I love your parents! The faces on fingers and toes really works! The tree branch for flies? A bit dodgy. My kids would have applied that with gusto. Boiled eggs can only be eaten if they have a painted face too. Chappatis, roti or pizza must be cut into weird shapes before eaten and vegetables can only be delivered by spoon planes, or forbidden to be eaten because those vegetables belong to a selected animal of the day. Veges will only be eaten if they are forbidden otherwise they are deposited stealthily into nearby pot plants or waiting salivating dogs mouths. Grandparents rule! Bring them back!
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So let me get this straight. They don’t eat the anonymous eggs, only the ones with individual identities? I think I’d feel better about that if it was the other way around…
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They had to be decorated at that time in their egg shells but I can assure you they are now grown up and can eat anonymous eggs without concern.
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It would be a weird habit to take to college.
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I can proudly report that it was an heirloom passed down to our grandkids
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Ha! So now you’re the one grinning and reminiscing as the grandkids insist on egg faces.
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Grandparents are the best! Also we eat nachos for dinner all the time! It may just be a California thing though. 🙂
I love the finger people idea… I am going to share it with my friends that have more than one little one. 🙂
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T really did fall off the couch due to finger people, though. So give it with a warning label!
Also, with your nachos, do you put protein (e.g. meat) in them? I think I missed that trick this time. If so, what do you spice it up with?
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My nachos usually consist of a layer of tortilla chips, black beans, avocado, cheese, lettuce, tomato, salsa, and sour cream. It’s a balanced meal really, starch, protein, veggies, and dairy! 🙂 The salsa (not on Z’s usually) is usually the spicy part.
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Black beans. I would feel so much better with the addition of black beans. Makes it seem so much more like food 🙂 Thanks!
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I love grandma – had to type that before I draw on my finger people 🙂
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I have this image in my head now of you walking around town with finger people held up by your shoulders. It would work in class, I suppose (it would get people’s attention?) but then there’s this series where you’re passing cash using your mouth, pressing the stop button on the bus with your nose…
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Ha ha, that sounds like a great short story 🙂
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Now you’re just goading me 🙂 Not a limerick?
Maybe a short film….?
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I want it on my desk on Monday 😉
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The limerick, the short story or the film??!
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All 🙂
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Yeah! The like button is there again haha! What’s the verdict with like and no like?
Your tips are great tips especially the itchy hands one. And Nacho for dinner? I think the picture looks good with avocado mixed in. I was thinking I must have missed tens of posts from you because I am also busy recently. Not even have time to write blog as well, except for some obligated ones. I have got to get down to penning my thoughts and blog contents soon. Glad that your parents are here to explore Singapore. I don’t think this is the first time for them right? 😛
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Yes, the like button is back 🙂
The avocado was the saving grace in those nachos I think. Technically there was capsicum in the salsa, too, I suppose. Not sure we needed that much salt or fat in one dish (you should have seen it after the sour cream went on!)
It must be getting to that slowdown time of year when everyone has to catch up on their backlog. I’m feeling much the same way. Hopefully we’ll see some more of your posts soon!
You’re right – my parents have been here a few times, though last time was a while back (just after the Gardens By The Bay opened) so there are a few changes.
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Did the like button beg it’s way back into the blogosphere?
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Yes, brought it back 🙂 I miss it when it’s not there on other blogs.
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You know I was thinking about this just the other day. I know some of my followers write their blogs in languages other than English and may not be comfortable commenting. The like button creates access for all. 🙂
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That’s true – good point! I still have the email notifications off for it, though, so I’ll probably notice people who comment more than I notice people who hit “like”. But I think it has its purpose. Good to experiment with these things.
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Bronwyn I have email notifications off on everything or I would go mad. I have the WordPress app on my phone so check whats happening via that or on my desktop.
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I’ve been doing a bit of a notification purge. I’ll call you, facebook!
It’s true it doesn’t make sense to get email notifications when you can just as easily open wordpress. It was quicker to get email notifications when nobody ever commented – it saved me refreshing hopefully and in vain 🙂 But I’m hanging around wordpress reading, if not writing or responding, pretty much to the maximum time I can devote at the moment so it’s just extra time spent clearing my inbox now.
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I am smiling Bronwyn as I totally appreciate what you are saying. Now when I post I try to ensure I have some time to respond. Being away for three weeks and having limited WiFi access helped me get over some of my obsessiveness about checking comments. I’m trying to be a bit more scheduled. 🙂
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Bronwyn it sounds like a terrific week, says the one without the small children. Can’t wait to hear about the Tarzan performances. 🙂
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It was good. The kids obviously enjoyed it as well, although I have to say they’ve calmed down about a hundred notches since Grandma and Granddad went home, which has been nice!
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There is something very happy about normalizing. 🙂
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Lol it sounds like your parents are as creative as you 🙂
I also think you are ripped off not having nachos growing up. Now I really want some nachos though. Damn they look good.
PS Love the new look of your site.
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I’m going to add more protein to them next time, though. Spiced chicken or something. Then again, that might make it too much like actual cooking…
Thanks, glad you like the new look! The old look was bugging me in certain ways (you know how it is).
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Oh, I can’t wait to remind mine of their escapades with unnecessary glee.
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Blogging is great for that. Then if we run out we can jog our memories by perusing our blog archives.
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Yay!!!
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We like the stick to ward of insects idea 🙂 Our parental (un)wisdom has just been to give our children sticks and watch and they wildly charge ahead, whacking everything in sight. The injuries will certainly subside if we channel the stick energy into a more gentle pursuit.
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Your version gets them moving, anyway! This was actually a trick my mother used first on my younger sister, I believe. Nice one to know!
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You brought back the “like” button! 🙂 Beyond that, great tips! But, you never got to have nachos for dinner growing up? Now that’s a deprived childhood! 🙂
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Yes, I did 🙂 Back by popular demand! Also, I do like to use it on other blogs so I thought I’d put it back. I still have notifications off for it, though, so I can only see it when I come to the site. Otherwise, too much to keep up with.
Yes, I was a deprived child. 🙂
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