Bits of May: How To Look Smart And Alienate People
Last week, I was accused of being “smart”. I felt a bit guilty about it, because I didn’t even come up with the technique which gives that impression.
The trick, you see, is not to know a lot or be able to think in complex ways, but to focus on obscure stuff that can be easily brought into everyday conversation, so when you’re (for example) chit-chatting about how groceries are getting more and more expensive these days and everyone else is saying things like, “Yes, I went to buy bananas last week and I nearly fell over when I saw the price tag!” you can pipe up with, “I’ve always wondered how life would be if we traded commodities using a system like that of the ancient Incas.” You won’t have to know very much of this stuff, either, because people will quickly stop trying to talk to you.
In your newly-spare time, you can do things on the internet! I’ll start you off with a roundup of online things from May, and you can fill me in on anything I missed, on account of I don’t seem to have quite alienated everyone I know yet.
Me, Elsewhere:
- With three whole likes instead of the usual just-one-from-Sue (thanks Sue), it’s the #RandomLimerick Of The Month on google+.
- Singapore school holidays (aka The Font Of Uncontrolled Excitement) are upon us, so it’s no surprise my Singapore Pinterest Board saw the most activity in May, with holiday-friendly pins for kids at the top. I’ve collected posts on local events as well as favourite attractions.
- I exist! I proved it to Summer of Rich Summer Daze when her family swung through Singapore en-route to a four-month-long European driving holiday, which she’ll be documenting on her blog. But I can’t prove our meeting existed, because apparently I only took pictures of my lime juice:
You, and other Awesome Things:
- One of my favourite posts of the month was from Sue (again) on blossoming as you age. It left me looking forward to having the kids all grown up in ways which are completely unconnected to the usual reasons. Not that we want to rush the nice stuff.
- Did you know there’s such a thing as digital painting? Well I didn’t, but now I do and it’s beautiful.
- In the same month, Stupid Ugly Foreigner explained why horrifying personal calamity is a necessary ingredient in travel, and as if to prove him right, Kirstie of the Family Adventure Project described what to do if stuck indefinitely in a lift with your children.
- Video: guy bikes across Scotland. Like a boss. A bike-riding wu-xia ninja boss, on a bike.
What awesomeness did I miss? Leave a link in the comments and catch me up. I’ll share it with anyone I come across who’s ostracised themselves by following the methods at the start of this post.
The post Bits Of May appeared first at Journeys of the Fabulist.
Haha! I like that sentence to shut people up. Maybe you should share more of such witty conversation stopper 🙂 I like that you round up May in awesomeness. I should probably try that too to remind myself of what I am doing and not busy myself aimlessly. Good blogs that you have shared too, thanks for that!
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We are both up way too late! Look at the time! 🙂
I’m thinking of making it a monthly thing. I read a lot of great stuff over the course of the month and I also miss a lot of great stuff, so it’s nice to have this chance to share a bit more here and there.
And maybe have the odd limerick-off.
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I have no choice but to keep up! I have 4 blog posts to publish in a span of a week. Not exactly what I like but they happened to be sponsored posts.
I will certainly look forward to your monthly round up 🙂 Then I shall follow suit! You should probably do a linky button 🙂
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Four blog posts for a week! Yes, makes a difference if they’re sponsored – you have to stick by your deadline for sure then. Well, head down tail up I suppose!
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Your blog is delightful Bronwyn and I have to say that I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one frustrated at the escalating prices of groceries. 🙂
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Definitely not! Perennial conversation.
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🙂
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Your ‘sounding smart’ advice made me chuckle. I’m going to try it — if only to stop some endless conversations.
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There are so many conversations that deserve to be stopped.
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I never realized that being smart was a bad thing… I may have to rethink all those “compliments” that I have received in the past…
I like Stupid Ugly Foreigner and will check out the others.
What do you think of google +? I am a bit confused by it and when I tried it for personal use, I felt like no one was on it.
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In truth, I don’t think the problem’s so much with being smart as with being pretentious. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you are and what you’re trying to do) people seem to confuse the two a lot. Let’s assume your prior compliments were genuine 🙂 .
Google+. I like things about it, although I’m not sure I’m using it right yet (just exploring at the moment). Disclaimer: I haven’t really got the hang of facebook, either. For personal use it doesn’t wash at all same reason as you – I basically found I had to start from scratch and everyone in my “circles” apart from one or two I know through blogging. It’s easier to find groups/communities though – I like that. Where’s your google+ profile? (IIRC you’re not in my circles yet.)
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I haven’t started a google + yet, but when I do, I will definitely let you know. 🙂 If I can keep up with all these social media things that is!
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Ah! Ok. Glad I haven’t just missed you!
Yes, you can’t be active on every single last social media platform (some people seem to be at least present, but come on!). But when/if you get your other plates spinning and feel like exploring google+ to see if it’s a good fit let me know and I will definitely connect.
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I will make sure to use the line about the commodity trading methods of the Incas! LOL 🙂
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Tell me how it goes, and whether people immediately assume you’re smart (and then alienate you). Although I imagine by now you’ve surrounded yourself with people who can handle your intelligence 😉 .
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Haha..i will…but, its more like I have surrounded myself with people who can tolerate my constant blabber, without letting it reflect on their faces! 😛
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Same thing in my books. 🙂
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Yes you are smart…I’ve eaten too much cheese in the last 48 hours to be smart. I think it is called stuffing yourself stupid while your on the count down to home. I may have to reread this post when I am smarter 🙂
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I’ve stuffed myself stupid! Know the feeling well.
Gosh, yes, I was just thinking the other day you’re on the countdown now. What’s going to become of Italy Take Two? I know you’ll have to blog somewhere or other…
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I like your trick, it may prove useful sometime!
As always, some great links and blogs to follow. 🙂
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Hope you enjoyed them! Do pass on anything you’ve read that you think others would enjoy.
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The bit about the price of bananas being too expensive reminded me of one of the times we visited Canada from Thailand. I was in a small grocery store buying milk. When I looked at the price, I was shocked, and without thinking, offered a lower price. Hot flashing at that memory. 🙂
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My father does that every time he comes back from a bargaining country. He claims he’s joking, but I’m sure if they accepted his offer he suddenly wouldn’t be.
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The link to Rich Summer Daze doesn’t work, would you be able to check that one up? I’d be quite keen to read on… 🙂 Quite a few interesting ones I’ll have to read up on now when we are back to civilization and the internet works properly.
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Whoops! Thanks for letting me know! Try now.
You’ve been doing well to get around what you’ve done without proper internet, then!
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Reading via the wp app and posting myself worked ok, links and commenting didn’t work at all (omg how frustrating also to read somebody’s texts, get really excited and then not be able to do anything about it!).
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Yes! Very frustrating! I usually just take my phone when we go away so I definitely know that “hindered” feeling.
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Ha funny. But the price of bananas is getting ridiculous…
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I believe you can have an interesting discussion about ecology, diseases, and economy on that one, if you actually know what you’re talking about. But the person who taught me was an anthropology grad – which, by the way, being the study of the everyday life of humans, is the ideal knowledge base for this kind of thing. So Incas it is.
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TrHa, any conversations involving words that end in ology are too smart for me right now!!
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Go with Incas. You can never go wrong with Incas. Maybe just say, “You can never go wrong with Incas,” and nod as if everyone should know what you mean and hope they don’t ask.
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That is a brilliant idea! I will be sounding smart in no time. Incas are definitely the way forward. (Oh there is another way i can slip it in). Can you write a How To Sound Smart When You Have Been Deprived of Sleep For Three Years guide please?
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I always fell back on the trick of knowingly and pointedly sipping my coffee at key moments in conversation. You know the style of sipping I mean. This was based on the saying “better to keep silent and be thought a fool etc” but slightly more ambitious.
It’s actually amazing how much wisdom people will see in you if you just periodically use a facial expression which implies undecidedness on the present matter. They get all like, “Yes, I know what you’re thinking. And the truth is the differential confabulabump probably does cross-initiate the complexiscope somewhat. I’ll give you that! Wow, no flies on you.” And then you can shrug and sip your coffee again.
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Wow you are smart! So Incas, coffee sipping (perhaps with raised eyebrows and a nod thrown in?) and a bit of ‘pondering loads of complicated shit’ silence. Sorted.
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Get back to me on how it turns out. 🙂
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I will do! I think I will go and practise in Waitrose tomorrow.
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🙂
It’s going to be a bit awkward carrying around that coffee for the whole trip, but I’m sure you’ll manage.
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Ha well at least coffee is free in waitrose!
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What?
When did they start doing this?
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http://www.waitrose.com/home/mywaitrose/free_tea_or_coffee.html. check this out! It has changed my life. Do they have Waitrose in Singapore?
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Some supermarkets carry waitrose products (but not free tea and coffee – unless you count product demonstrations). But I used to work just down the road from a waitrose in the UK and went there nearly every day to get lunch. Couldn’t remember anything about free coffee (it was a while ago now).
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It is a fairly recent development. Cleverly designed so although you pop in just for coffee, you end up coming out with a basket full of things you remembered you might need!
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It’s actually genius. If I had the choice between the supermarket with free coffee and the one without…
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You’re right Emily, the card does encourage further purchases, but it is primarily a data mining scheme, the purpose of which is to get your personal info for use in direct marketing and analysing sales. So much so, that if you read the details you will see that if you even change address you are required to notify them or your card will be invalidated. I could go through this in detail to show how they benefit in each transaction but trust me, they do. Although they “promise” not to sell or give the data away, that is not legally binding – meaning if they fall on hard times they can sell your personal info to multiple users. Think about the detail of this personal info – for instance if someone with bad intentions gets hold of it, they can tell if you are having your coffee at the same time every day and rob your house while you are out. Or if waitrose chooses to do co-op advertizing or promotions, all your personal data is available to the other company. They can get banking data from method of purchase – in fact you are gving them enough personal data that it can be used by someone unscrupulous, for identity theft. And think about all the data bases that have been compromised the world over in recent years. Who knows who will end up with your info. I haven’t participated in one of these “offers” since my eyes were opened by Business School and a stint in the IT dept of a major retailer.Enjoy your coffee (or tea or other applicable product)! Ha!
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This is pretty much what A says when anybody offers him one of those memberships. He doesn’t drink coffee as much as I do, though…
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Ha, I never realised my Waitrose card had such sinister repercussions!! My free coffee will never taste as good again!! Thanks for the heads up. I will have to spread the word. In fact, you have also provided me with some more material that will make me sound smart!
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True!
You could always try to trick them by following an unpredictable routine, buying weird stuff, and sometimes swapping your card over with random shoppers after telling them about the risks of giving away this type of information.
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I inadvertently do this by having no routine whatsoever, unpredictable or otherwise…I will try the card swap thing though…
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Weird stuff. You also have to buy weird stuff you wouldn’t actually want. Possibly you could afterwards donate it or use it as blog giveaways.
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Yes these days I get around that by being too skint to afford any of the weird stuff. Oh how I miss crab hummus/cavier pâté!!
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Not sure there is a pâté of that actual flavour. Just thought I better warn you before you get on the first plane out to the nearest Waitrose to find some.
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You made my day, a picture of lime juice and food! Bought back mouth watering memories of 10 years sampling goodies in the hawker stands of Singapore. I worked up on Suntec City for a while and they are too up market in the basement with poor substitutes for the Hawker Stands now. I also miss the weekly news item with picture of some poor dispirited guilty person caught urinating in the elevator. That is definitely frowned upon in modern Singapore and deserves the harshest humiliations. Its right up there with chewing gum smugglers. Great city state.
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Urinating in the elevator – yes, not something you hear much about any more. Although if you’re missing the weekly news shaming, you can always try http://stomp.com.sg (not sure if you’re familiar) which is where public shaming of people in Singapore happens now. Who says the internet hasn’t enriched our lives?
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Sounds a bit like the Red Guards at work there when the general public get into the shaming act. lol. It’s still the safest city in the world, clean, progressive and a great place to live.
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Definitely. But the Stomp site was a bit of a cultural moment for me. Happy following and reminiscing!
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Just took a look at stomp.com and will favourite it to keep up with my Sin-ja-por memory aids.
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Oh no and I thought I was ripped off when I got stuck in a glass lift alone (everyone was pointing and laughing at me). Better than with kids, that’s for sure. I have had to check out your limmerick and pin some of your Singapore stuff. You are getting me excited for our upcoming trip!
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The glass lift adds a little extra something, for sure!
Yes, there’s a few pins on Singapore you might want to take a look at. I’m sure some things will be more your cup of tea than others, but plenty to choose from so enough overall!
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very nice post. Isnt there a movie with a similar title?
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How to lose friends and alienate people, yes. 🙂 I haven’t seen it, though – have you?
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Thanks for the memory jog. I just saw it a few days ago but couldn’t remember the name. I knew your title sounded familiar. You should give it a watch. I’m pretty sure its on Netflix.
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We might have to throw ourselves on the mercy of the local video rental place. I’ve heard you can stream netflix from here but it sounds too complicated.
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Use a service such as hidemyass.com. You can choose an IP from other countries and use it to purchase Netflix and just turn on the IP address to stream.
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Ohhhhhh love this new look on the blog… !!
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I tidied up a little. 🙂
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Haha, I could just imagine the look I would receive while talking about bananas!! I am going to check out some of your links too now, thanks!
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Hope you like them. Anything you’ve read recently you’d like to share?
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Probably my all time favorite blogger is The Ugly Volvo. Her humor is addicting. She has recently put up a hilarious one about her 15 month old son not yet walking. I wasn’t sure how to put up her link on this comment box but you can simply google her–she is that good! 🙂
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Oh! Here it is:
http://happyplace.someecards.com/parenting/9-conversations-about-how-my-15-month-old-son-is-not-yet-walking/
It’s a guest post on another blog but there’s a link back.
You can just copy and paste links and wordpress will magically make them clickable (or you can write them in html if you want them to look pretty).
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Oh, thanks, that is so good to know!! I am pretty new at this blogging thing still! 🙂 Yes, I think her son is fine as well; they all learn at their own time. I love how she can take her everyday life situations and find such humor in them!
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Thanks for the recommendation, though – that was hilarious! (And I’m sure her son is fine.)
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List. I meant list. I need more coffee!!
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Sounds quite poetic the other way, too – but I know what you meant 🙂 (go get some coffee).
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Wow – a whole lust of wonderful new blogs to follow – thanks for giving me a new project for the weekend!
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I hope you were up for a new project 🙂 .
But check them out, for sure. Anything you’ve read and want to pass on?
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Love the Limerick – and the approach to being ‘smart’! (Insert clever soundbite here) 😉
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That’s four people who liked the limerick! You’ve no idea how far that’s bumping up my average. Are you and I due another limerick-off? 🙂
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Ha, hit me! 🙂
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What, me first?
A man went on out for a swim
It’s a thing, you see, fitness and him
He came home quite wet
And he hasn’t dried yet
For he hasn’t applied towel to skin.
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A young woman dyed her hair,
Her greys made her go spare,
It’s thanks to her mam,
And her gene spam,
Still, it’s better than being bare. 😉
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A couple sat in on the couch
An old dimwit, and an old grouch
They grumbled and chewed
Through the bulk of their food
As they settled, each into their slouch
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You’re using a VPN from another time zone. Devious. You just answered a commenter over on “My Knickers Have Got Me in a Twist” and it was time stamped 11:45am. You have totally screwed up my limerick now. Sheesh!
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Ha ha! I’m not doing anything! It was probably time stamped with her time zone!
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Or maybe my computer thinks I’m somewhere else?! Gah, I’m confused now!
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Whoops!
You’re using a VPN from another time zone. Devious. You just answered a commenter over on “My Knickers Have Got Me in a Twist” and it was time stamped 11:45am. You have totally screwed up my limerick now. Sheesh!
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Yeah, your computer (or your internet provider) thinks it’s 1 time zone west of where your are.
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Hmm, wonder how I fix that? Ah, it doesn’t matter – it’s fun confusing Limerick-writing Canadians!
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It’s likely you IP server is 1 hr west of you. There is no way to fix it (that I am aware) And thanks for confusing the Canadian – we are only friendly to a point ya know Ha! 😛
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Yeah yeah 😉
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Ha ha, well done! 🙂 I’m beat 😉
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I’m so glad you said that 🙂
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Yeah, we could probably go on forever!
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Only… not. 🙂 I did ask A to jump in and he grunted and said he was going to sleep instead. That should probably be an example to me.
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Ha ha! I like his attitude!!
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Competitive at all, guys?
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We could definitely have kept going I think 😉 But I’ve got a blog post to write!
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Yes, go! (Is it up yet? I’ll find out shortly.)
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It’s up!
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Haha – this is our second limerick-off, but you can join in?
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They arose from Latvia and Singapore
Always looking for more.
If only they could blog
They could get their heads out of the fog
And all would know of their tour.
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There once was a gentleman – Paul
Who had a TV on his wall
As he chatted and read
It became time for bed
The TV had shown nothing at all
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Hmm 😉
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Tonight’s TV movie feature is MASH
The original, including the hash
Never having seen the show
I am just dying to know
How it happened to make so much cash.
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You’ve never seen MASH? Wow. I think each episode was aired in our house about fifteen times, when I was growing up. We didn’t have youtube back then.
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My children are eating some fruit
It’s sweet and it’s ripe and it’s beaut
But soon as they’re done
They’ll be wanting some fun
So I’d better sign off – tootle-oot!
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Better 😉
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The children all want to play
So Bronwyn calls it a day
Her blog she stops reading
And where it is leading
Is to wine when the children hit the hay
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Wine – huzzah! You’ve nailed it!
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Haha. 🙂
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😀
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Latvia’s time is 12 noon
It’ll be lunch time there soon
In Singapore it’s much later
6 p.m. is the time for a tater
6 a.m. in Ottawa makes me a loon
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Clearly! It’s 1pm here – and I’m just about to have breakfast 😉
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🙂 I will check out your suggestions 🙂 It is never easy to be smart 🙂 I always feel that people who are “less in that deparment” have it easier, they never have to overthink anything 🙂
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There’s definitely a time and place for shutting off the brain a bit and just going with the flow. But then smart people can probably master that if they want to… it’s nice to have the options. 🙂
Enjoy a bit of reading! Anything you’ve read you want to add?
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That’s a brilliant technique, Bronwyn and since you mentioned it, wouldn’t it be great if we actually did go back to a trading / exchanging products-services society? No money, hence no one working for… money!
Thank you so much for your very kind words and link! Digital painting is just another kind of paintbrush so to speak. It’s fun although I enjoy more getting paint dirty! 😉
Have a great weekend! 🙂
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I think it would be great if we focussed on what money is for, rather than the money itself, but I’m not quite sure how to make it all work in the modern, global economy.
The existence of digital painting seems much more obvious to me in hindsight. For some reason it didn’t occur to me beforehand. I do like your bouquet, though.
Anything you’ve seen or read lately worth mentioning?
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🙂
Seen and heard the sea on our short visit to our country house. Worth a lot to me! 😉
Happy June 1st! 🙂
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Sounds great. Unplugging time!
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🙂
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Ah, funny stuff 🙂 I read the article about being stuck in an elevator with all your kids and cacked myself 🙂
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Which is luckily NOT what happened in the actual elevator. (Oh, there should be a spoiler alert in front of that.)
It definitely made a good story, that’s for sure.
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Any recommendations from your end?
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Hmm yes actually: I read this great article on how men need to rethink the “not all men are like that” response to gender violence: http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2014/05/27/not_all_men_how_discussing_women_s_issues_gets_derailed.html and also this really awesome piece by Glennon Melton on Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey, and the importance of having the wisdom of elder women in our lives: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/find-yourself-a-maya_b_5417203.html?fb_action_ids=10203400139235744&fb_action_types=og.likes
Sorry about the unsexy links – couldn’t find how to link text in the reply box!
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That’s ok – I always write links like that, too. I think if you write out the whole a href= etc in html it works but you’d be there all day.
Great links. I liked the thoughts in both of them. The final tweet of the first article is wonderfully put, and the sentiment of the second is both wise and calming.
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You read them 🙂 yay!
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Thanks for pointing them out!
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You, smart? Noooooo. Ha! Nothing like that. One of my favorite bloggers, Gunmetal Geisha returned after about a month’s recess on May 30th with “Resurrection” ( http://gunmetalgeisha.com/2014/05/30/resurrection/ ) Glad to have her back. She turns over more brain cells than your average blogger. Personally May has been unremarkable other than that the warmer temps were welcomed with open arms after one of the coldest winters in history here in central Canada. How’s things in Singapore Bronwyn? 😀
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Thanks for the recommendation. Some beautiful thoughts on that post – sounds like a tough month of the kind that leads to a great deal of thinking.
I’ve been hearing about the cold winter in Canada! Things in Singapore are warmer, and apparently (if you’re a child who just started school holidays) very exciting.
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Oh how I recall those blissful first days of vacation as a child. We used to sing a little ditty for the occassion: “No more teachers, no more books; No more teachers’ dirty looks!” Ha! Euphoria for a few days.
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Definitely! They were practically having fits at first – they’re a bit calmer now.
Stuff you wish you could bottle and drink at will.
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You are ridiculously smart but I still like you 🙂 Thanks for the link!
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Fully deserved – one of my favourite posts of May.
But do you have any favourites that spring to mind from the last few weeks? You seem to read a lot of blogs.
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Bronwyn this one from Lynn at Life After 50 came out today. It’s from her recent trip to Morocco. On this day the guide took his four middle age female clients to his humble childhood home in the desert. https://lymart.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/morocco-the-most-incredible-day/
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I follow Lynn too. Isn’t that an amazing post with photos?
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I wanted to get on a plane immediately for Morocco. Serious travel envy. Glad you enjoyed it too. 🙂
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Paul – yes, I just saw your comment there, too!
Good recommendation, Sue. Lynn had the most amazing visit to the Moroccan deserts – it’s very much worth the read.
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She has two other posts prior on Morocco that are great as well. 🙂
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Thanks – I still have it open in the other window. I’ll click around a bit.
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